Happy Spatula

At some point today I should find myself on campus.

2009-07-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

A friend told me I needed to chronicle my experiences in graduate school.

I've been in Mississippi for a little over a month. I'm still weirded out by the fact that I'm a graduate student... It seems like - Well, honestly, I always knew I'd be here. It was kind of the end of my "life planning" that I had loosely laid out in my mind.
So it seems like I've almost made it. To what, though?
Adulthood? Holy crikey, that's scary. Wasn't my dad supposed to be here to help me get through grad school? Wasn't he supposed to advise me on how to manage my time, how to make 14 different variations on the mac n cheese theme? Every day it gets easier... and every day I miss him more. How can I not?

But grad school... This week is absolutely crazy. I guess we kind of brought it on ourselves by asking for a week off and changing around our schedule. We'd have only had class on Thursday since another professor was out of town and we didn't have our weekend seminar class until the following week. Still, the 3 papers, outline for a research paper, and the ever-present developing research proposal weigh heavily on me.

It's tiring. Why do we put ourselves through this? Oh, right - education. Bettering ourselves. Grad school says "Here, give me your soul for a year, two, maybe 6 and I'll give it back at the end and you'll be more educated and a better person. Doesn't that sound FUN!?"

What made me think it would be? I enjoy learning, don't get me wrong. I also enjoy reading for pleasure and taking naps, baking, cooking, going for slow, ambling bike rides in the cool of morning (if i convince myself to get up that early). Those things aren't hard. But then what benefit would it be to me? What sort of mental and emotional growth would i experience if I had stuck to the status quo?

This will pay off. And hey, at least it's free.

Mississippi. It has "miss" in the name.

2009-06-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

It's nearly midnight. I've been dwelling on life - it's what you do between the studying and the reading and the occasional episode of ANTM.
I am aware of this unrelenting emptiness within me that had been filled with a hug from my dad, rolling my eyes at a bad joke, calling him on the phone when I saw something funny. Oh, my God, are you holding him close? Tell him I love him.

Oh, but praise God for new friends. Here in Hattiesburg I've met the most amazing, inspiring woman. She hasn't had the easiest life - but she carries a joy in her. A love that she doesn't withhold. I loved her instantly as a second mom. As someone that I KNOW if I need to collapse into someone's arms and just cry that she'll be there with open arms.
Mrs. Belinda Jo - I can't imagine how God is able to take two hearts and bind them together so tightly in such a short amount of time!! But I thank him for the gift - the blessing - the TREASURE of being able to call you my MS Momma.

p.s. this is a sermon from a while ago at my homechurch in Auburn.
It is a refreshing and inspiring take on homosexuality and the Christian's identity that you may not have come across before.

Fragile

2008-07-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

fragile : [adjective]
• easily broken or damaged
• not strong or sturdy; delicate and vulnerable.

I spoke with a friend of mine tonight for a long while about a lot of things all interconnected. Stream of consciousness + conversation = danger... or deep lengthy conversations.

I came to the question of feeling fragile- how do I overcome it? He told me that everyone wears that "fragile: handle with care" sticker. some just hide it more than others.
Makes me wonder- the ones that hide it, are they the ones who are (unknowingly) hurt? I have no clue. Nothing ever makes sense once you get out of the world of the finite and into the universe of the infinite.

He asked who the most invulnerable people i know are. My first instinct for these kinds of questions, whether strength, invulnerability, consistency, love, it's always my mother. I've always seen her as the mom who can solve every problem. Even if it's a hug on her bed while i cry for hours on end while she strokes my hair. That's a solution that can't come from anywhere but a mother's heart.
But is my mom above fragility? I'd always thought she had been.

Watching my parents through these now 6 months of cancer as the treatments get worse on my dad... I see something in her eyes that i'd only seen a few times before. One of those times was my fault and i think since then every time it's come up, i've had this overwhelming urge to search myself to find out what i'd done wrong so that i could fix it - so that I could make my mom strong again. So i could take back her broken heart.
My mom isn't immune to the fragility of human nature. But inspite of the fact that I've begun to see that my mother is frail - weak and weary in a sense - it doesn't make me love her less.

It makes me love her more.

So, momma, I love you. I love you when your eyes are filled with tears and red from worry. I love you when you're getting onto me for doing something amazingly stupid and you can't help but laughing at me. I love you for the memories we have of going to see chick flicks during the afternoons and having the theaters all to ourselves so that we could talk and giggle through the whole thing unashamed. I love you because you don't like to throw big parties. I love you because you'd rather spend a night at home with us than go out and be around distractions that could keep us from really spending time together. I love you when you treat me like the woman I'm growing up to be. And I love you when you treat me like the little girl I once was.

I'll always need you, momma. I'll always love you.
And even though i'm seeing that you're fragile right now... to me, you're still the strongest woman in the world.

Stream of Consciousness.

2008-07-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

I always forget that first s in "consciousness" and by always i mean "every other time except for these last two."
You know how you forget things long enough and suddenly you're remembering that you forget them all the time so by default you're remembering how it's supposed to be done?
I used to put an extra "k" in "know"- like this: knkow. I dunno. maybe that's the Kayla version. I also often type "forget" as "froget" as though it's some sort of talisman that froggies use to stave off amnesia.
I've always found it disturbing that frog tongues are attached at the front instead of the back. Knowing what i do of human anatomy it baffles me. Maybe i should take mammalian anatomy...
if i had time and didn't want to kill my gpa, that is. That and frogs aren't mammals.
so i'm still trying to figure out why my left eye dries out faster than my right eye when i wear contacts. It's kind of weird.
I've decided that i can't tell if my little mini-fan i've got here is purple or blue. It's somewhere inbetween.

Only a girl would worry about that. Well, maybe not. But it's nice to think that some things affect only girls. Oo, i know- like pregger-ness. i think it's safe to say that that only really gets girls.
Why DO guy say "we're having a baby!!" when really, everyone knows that their wife is the one who's gonna be doing most of the work... well, when it comes to birthing the kid, anyway.

I had lunch with a 6 yr old today. She's "almost" 7... in september. Love it. I remember those days, counting down for 6 months until my birthday.
wait... wait... I still do that.
6 days, by the way.

I've been counting down since it was at least 150 days. FINALLY. The last week and the last hour always seem to be the longest by comparison. Maybe einstein was onto something with this relativity thing.
the word "relativity" always makes me thing of "nativity"
does that mean cows are relative? And if they are... does that mean their calories count less than a pig's or a chicken's?
It's something to dwell on for maybe 3.2 seconds. hhhmmmmm.

New and Exciting only applies for so long.

2008-06-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

There are days that sneak up on you. Days where you wake up smiling but then you take a step out of the door and realize things aren't as sunny as you thought when you first rolled over. You fight it, but the realization of why your day is cloudy becomes clearer to you.

I watched someone i love very much out of the corner of my eye today. So much pain and exhaustion rolled up into one body - and there's no way for me to take any of it away and help make it better. The uncertainty and the helplessness are enough to make anyone want to curl up and hide from the world. But then I have to remember that hiding doesn't solve anything. But then it also hasn't felt like facing it head on has fixed anything, either.

My dad said it'd be 14 months at the least before things got back to normal. As my family has been saying:
The novelty has worn off.

2008-06-05T17:28:00.001-07:00

Chillin with the vbs dino!

2008-05-29T10:21:00.001-07:00

Dr. Boom boom eats something other than his usual.

2008-05-27T10:02:00.001-07:00

Poor birdy! Probably ran into the glass window walkway thingy at the aerospace bldg.

2008-05-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

2008-05-15T17:56:00.001-07:00

Chillin with my brother in panera! I'm camping tomorrow!!

2008-05-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a cell phone photo op is all you're got to entertain yourself.

2008-05-13T07:06:00.000-07:00

Waiting in the dr office for an xray. Just one of the many things to do with a cancer patient.

2008-05-12T10:48:00.001-07:00

Bored at work.

2008-04-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

The semester is almost over. PRAISE GOD. I'm looking at getting (maybe) my second 4.0 semester. That'd rock my SOCKS off. Wow. Yes.

I'm moving back home in the fall. While i've enjoyed my year of living on my own, I'm excited about being home again. I have the rest of my life to live on my own... may as well squeeze out as much time with my family as I can. Lydia's gonna be living with me. It's gonna be fun, I can tell.

And one other thought: I'm going to be a senior. Wow. When they say that college goes by fast, I didn't realize how fast they meant. It feels like I just started but here I am- on the top of the totem pole that is called undergrad. But not to worry- I'll be back on the bottom fall 09. I guess I should start thinking about things I've learned... but for now, i just wanna write a book. Yep.

I love to read. And write. word.

The Big Plan

2008-04-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

My daddy is sick. He has cancer. We found out in February, but Leroy had probably been around for a few months before that. Since then, it's been a lot of crying, laughing, worrying about if that girl next to me in class is dying of some rare form of a cold or it's just allergies... and dodging church greeters (DON'T look them in the eye. They need no encouragement).

All in all, it's been okay. Once my daddy started treatment and he started to get better things started to turn around. My daddy and I joke about pulling the "cancer card" (it is a little known fact that once a person gets cancer or a member of a person's immediate family gets cancer you get a little card to carry around. It gets you free stuff and also gets people to do stuff for you when they don't always feel like it. We can't show you unless we're actually going to use it. it's kind of like in babylon 5 with the dagger thingy that the narns carry. If they pull it out, they gotta draw blood. If I pull out my cancer card, it has to be used... I used it to get out of a summer class.) Of course, my dad has taken to an attempt on ventriloquism. With a sock puppet.

Anyway. My bestest friend said something along the lines of "maybe your dad having cancer is God's plan because his faith and attitude have been so strong.... and it's been such an inspiration for so many people!" While I don't doubt that many people are inspired. I love my dad and I love that he's been so upbeat and so strong (at least, when i've seen him. I know he's had his hard times). I don't agree that it was "God's Plan". Maybe i'm being one of those wacky people when I say this- but I believe that God causes good things. Not the bad. I know that he told us we'd have bad things. But just because He tells us something doesn't mean he caused it, right? I know that my God is big enough and powerful enough to take the bad and make it good. Like with this. He's taken this horrible thing that my dad has to go through (having his body pumped full of poison 8 times between March and August) and turned it into an encouragement for my family and our friends.
I definitely feel closer to my daddy now that he's started having to do this.

So I'd just like to say- God loves me. He loves me enough to take horrible, horrible things like losing two amazingly brilliant and loving people or having to watch your dad go through chemo and make them into something beautiful- a way to show His faithfulness and the importance of the body of Christ. Mm. It's good.

The touchy subject of predestination.

2008-04-03T11:01:00.001-07:00

It's not often that you hear the word "ascribe" in every day conversation - and when you do, you've really gotta say SOMETHING to insert yourself into the conversation so that when night comes and you're recording the day's happenings you can say
I was in a conversation when someone used the word ascribe.

Tonight, that's how my journal entry is going to start.

I was getting a snack in Haley Center before going to my supervisor meeting in the speech and hearing clinic. I still had about 45 minutes, but the clinician's room is where we go when we have nothing else to do (of course by "we" I mean "I"). While I was trying to decide between peanut butter or cheese crackers (I went with the peanut butter), I overheard two of the clerks discussing (near debate status) the subject of predestination.
The young man behind the counter was saying that because of cause and effect the entire universe has led him to pick up a marker that was sitting on the counter between us. The girl wasn't quite sure how to respond to it- although I have a feeling that because he was talking so quickly she barely had time to process what he was saying and say something back in turn. He barely left room for himself to breathe.

While he's discussing this whole idea of predestination he throws out "of course- I don't ascribe to any of that." (yes, he did emphasize the fact that he used the word "ascribe" in a sentence. I think, like me, he understands the amazing implications of using that word. He could draw in just about any word nerd there is within listening distance. In this case: me. Now, I didn't say much. In fact, I only said one thing: "Yeah... predestination is rough."

And it is. Are our actions the result of free will- do we choose completely what we're doing? Or is it something that, as he said, was set up by the history of the entire universe for us to do? Are merely falling into the tried and true cause and effect method of living?

I'm not one to say who's right and wrong on this subject. Mostly because I haven't spent hours figuring out which camp i ascribe to when it comes to predestination and free will. However, off the top of my head (which, if you're wondering, would be at about 5 feet and 6 inches from the ground- so not that high reaching...), I'd have to say i'm somewhere in the middle.

Here's how I see it. We CANNOT choose God on our own. It's impossible. Without Him first choosing us and drawing us to him, there's no way we'll even acknowledge His existence. In this case, it is predestination that brings us into saving grace. As Calvinists would called it: Limited Atonement and Irresistible Grace.
There are the Elect: Those chosen by God. When God calls them- we CAN'T say no.
We're also told that there are good works that God set before us to do. I kind of see this as the plan. Don't get me wrong- no matter what, God's plan will be fulfilled. However, it may fall to other people if we don't follow God's plan.
A plan doesn't set things in stone. It sets us up for the actions that are supposed to occur.
Here's where the free will comes into play.

God says "go pray for this person." Now- you can do it. You can follow God's plan and pray for the person. In this, you are obedient to God's will and are satisfied by His love and grace in your life. Or- you can keep going. You can question yourself "Is that really God or just my imagination?" (The way I see it- praying for people is always a good thing. Even if it is your imagination, go for it.) The person needs prayer... but you don't pray for them. You haven't followed God's plan. You chose not to do the work predestined for you.

This is not to say that your choice surprises God. He knows how many hairs are on your head and exactly when they'll all fall out. He knew how every minute of every day of your life would play out before your grandparents' grandparents were even a twinkle in their parents' eyes. He KNOWS you won't choose it.

This is where it gets hairy for me. Did he decide that you wouldn't choose it? Well, if so- did he decide that you'd sin by disobeying God's plan? That to me is against God's character. God does NOT tempt. He doesn't lead us to sin- He leads us away from it. Beyond this... I don't know what's going on.

This, to me, is what matters:
God is God.
God is Love.
God is Truth.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

These things come from God.
Whether I am choosing to obey or i had no choice in the matter, I want to please my God. I want to love Him the way that He's loved me... even though I know it's impossible. I want to give everything I can to him. Everything.

This is one of those "WOW! I have a FLOOR!" moments.

2008-03-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

(my room is clean)

I'm on the downward slope of my second semester of my junior year at Auburn. Schweet!!
In an impromptu conversation with a friend of mine, I ended up recapping my journey to finding my major in story form. The truth is that the major found me... How strange.

the girl may leave the science... but the science will never leave the girl.
Well, if you remember, i applied to auburn with the intention of studying biochemistry. It just wasn't meant to be. You know how those relationships go. It's going all good and fine and then something gets in the way. In this case it was calculus. As much as I loved biology and chemistry... I couldn't overlook their friendship with calculus and physics.

I said "It's either me or them."

Biochem (that's what I called him, you know. Kind of a pet name...) looked at calc and phys and they had that glint in their eyes like "you're gonna give up a life-long friendship with us for a girl...? A girl who will probably end up leaving you to get married to another man and raise their children."

So Biochem put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'm sorry..."

And that was it. I was left... alone... and undeclared in COSAM.
Then, I met... her. She was the best friend a girl could ask for.
She picked me up and said "You don't need them. Not yet. We're young- come on! Let's enjoy life!" and pulled me over to Liberal arts.

Of course, like any group of females there's always some sort of sizing up to do before you're turly accepted into the group. I didn't really get in until my sophomore year, you know. But that was earlier than most.

Our friendship hasn't been perfect. I didn't listen to her advice and thought i needed guys. our friendship faltered (aka GPA dropped). Fortunately, I saw the light and the ever approaching grad school applications. So once again we linked arms and ran off to play bingo with little kids.

And there you have it. My college experience so far.

I have a really boring job.

2008-01-29T11:23:00.000-08:00

I don't work many hours each week. I'm cool with that. Boy, is it a boring job. I mostly sit at a desk and study... except when i have nothing to study for.
Let me tell you something: facebook is only interesting for so long. Trust me. And there are days where facebook is more fun. Anyway.

On sunday night, as i was studying for my Audiology Clinic class, i set down a glass of water on the coffee table. What I didn't realize was that under a piece of paper that was seemingly flat with the table was a small stack of index cards. In an event that i couldn't have orchestrated, water splashed all over my laptop... i pretty much dumped it onto the floor in an effort to save my laptop... no luck. I thought it was fine, but soon the keyboard started going out. Now i can't get any input from it. We finally got it to boot up so i've backed everything up onto my external hard drive... we're going to see if replacing the keyboard will get me back in business.
If not... I don't know what i'll do. I'm kind of a poor college student. And by kind of i mean.. I AM a poor college student.

Although... having a new laptop is always exciting. However, not having any funds makes that difficult.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

A little late, but it's still somewhat new, right? I have yet to write 2008... interesting.
anyway. I brought in the new year with my roommates at SALT in atlanta. w00t.
It wasn't baptist. The first night we talked about healing. Not something you hear often in baptist churches.

My father wrote a blog that seems to pertain to my weekend. Check it, yo.

There is no name for the Fear of Whales.

2007-11-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

I have a phobia. It's a somewhat strange phobia that i get a lot of grief over.

I am afraid of whales.

No, I've never really been close to a whale. No, I'm not the only one. I did a search today on "Fear of Whales". I got thousands of hits. Ah, Google. I stumbled across an article that proves it all. ALL of it.

I'm not crazy:

It's short and to the point. She wasn't even IN the water.

"I used to always laugh at that and say, 'There is no way a whale will come near a boat.' Well, she proved me wrong."

World of Warcraft

2007-11-22T00:47:00.001-08:00

While I have long since given up the addiction that is World of Warcraft, it doesn't mean that I don't find some enjoyment in the memory of it. Ah, the exploration of the Alliance-dominated territories... I attended a wedding once, as well. It was so lovely. Everyone dressed in their finest. And my brother even made enough fireworks for everyone to set off at least 10. The clothes, the food, the company, the quests! Ah, the sweet satisfaction of taking down an enemy clearly ranked higher htan yourself.
And yes, you scurvy Horde dogs. I am Alliance. You shall never prevail! (n00bs.)
... Did I say all that out loud?

The whole point of it is... what do you get when you put William Shatner and Mr. T up as the voice of World of Warcraft?

Only the best, my friends. Only the best:

2007-11-15T23:19:00.000-08:00

Thankful.

2007-04-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

This past week has been rough. And by rough I mean that i have been going 90 to nothing and back... only to repeat the cycle every few minutes. Life is not going to be perfect. I wasn't promised that. However, I was promised that I would never be alone.

I had promised myself that I would never tell anyone if had to take measures to combat the depression again. As I thought about it, though, I realized that I have been given an amazing support group that can drive me around, lift me up, and pray for me when things are rough. Thank my Lord for them!

I hope and pray that I can hand over my weaknesses to Jesus and that he can make something of them. I'm told that he can... but sometimes I look inward at myself and say "He's gonna HAVE to be able to do everything in order to make something of this." We talk of our hearts being broken in two. I wish there were only 2 pieces of my heart. It would be easier to heal.
Praise Him for his never ending love! It is amazing. It is awesome. It is incomprehensible! I never want to let it go.

He has provided for me in every possible way... and I wish there was more that I could give him. More than what I have inside, anyway.

Apparently, I'm more Christian than my father.

2007-04-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.

Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.

Christianity

88%

Judaism

50%

Buddhism

38%

Islam

25%

Hinduism

25%

agnosticism

Paganism

atheism

Satanism

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

See my father's score here.

My muse strikes.

2007-04-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that my muse strikes at the most inconvenient times. I have so much to do- things that I don't want to do- but all I want to do is write my heart out. And yet when I begin, i get a few sentences into it and realize that I don't have the words to describe my heart. Just some gibberish that means something to me and no one else.

Gibberish... Sometimes it doesn't mean anything to me and is just an outpouring of something greater. And yet- it isn't gibberish. It's more. It's an unknown language that only God knows. I wish that I could know what it was.
And even without knowing i'm still told "No, you cannot be a missionary with us." There are other ways to go.

I don't know what I'm meant to do. I wish I did.

My Theological Worldview

2007-04-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

First seen from my father.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

79%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

57%

Emergent/Postmodern

54%

Reformed Evangelical

54%

Fundamentalist

54%

Neo orthodox

50%

Classical Liberal

36%

Modern Liberal

21%

Roman Catholic

18%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

A familiar feeling.

2007-03-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that the most beautiful works of literature are written at times when the author is so crushed by circumstances that all they can do is pour out what little they have in their heart.

I know it's true for myself. I haven't felt the need to sit down and just write in so long. I find myself searching for scraps of paper, notebooks, pencils- anything so that I can just write down what I want, store it away, or tear it to pieces if I'm afraid someone will find it.

I hear the laughter from down the hall- filled with amusement and joy. It's a welcome distraction from the low whir of the old laptop that sits in front of me. I always say that this time of year is hard and at the beginning of it, I feel as though I'm lying. Yet here i am in the thick of it and I know it wasn't a lie. Not even close. I stare at the quilt that my office mate hung from the mailroom wall. The little rabbits faces aren't quite smiling, but aren't quite frowning. They merely... are.

I wish I could say that I merely "am" but I know that I'm not. I'm not quite smiling, but i'm too close to frowning to just be. The encouragement I receive from friends has been heard so many times before that I seem to just store it away in my mind for a time when someone else will need it. If it didn't work before, why will it work now?

But then why am I just storing it away for someone else? Do I hope that by telling someone else i'll be able to grasp it's evasive meaning?

I wish I were more poetic. Or maybe just better at putting together words. Or at least good enough to catch someone's attention and praise.

Maybe that's all I search for.

Praise.

Searching

2006-08-17T05:08:00.000-07:00

Finding God's will is hard when he's teaching you patience. In the mean time, I'm having problems staying asleep. Every time I wake up even the LITTLEST bit, those thoughts flood my mind and I lay there going "God- what should I do!? Give me some direction here, because I feel no peace about this."
I'm at a place in my life where I'm attempting to get closer to my Lord- my first and true love... things that get in the way of that, distractions, etc. I have to get rid of them and it's HARD. I wish my mom wasn't at work. I won't see her until later this afternoon. So many hours to wait.

Man, I'm hungry.

On fire? Not in the least.

2006-08-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

I realize as I grow closer to God that I am so far from being on fire for the Lord that I may as well be cold. All those times that I said I came back from youth camp or whatever "changed" and "on fire for God" I was definitely fooling myself. I don't want to say that it was an emotional high, because I know that somethings changed... but there, it's all relaxation and praising God.

Don't get me wrong... praising God is such a wonderful place to be. Like seriously... but you can't REALLY praise Him until you can put yourself aside... and when you're in pain, you're exhausted, and just physically and emotionally spent... putting yourself aside is all you can do to keep yourself sane.
Working at Kids Across America opened my eyes to so much. I'm ashamed at how naïve I really am living here in my small college town. I have everything I could ever need or want... yet I was taking care of kids that are just thankful when they get a small meal each day.
Praise Him for His provision and love in my life!

I feel like i'm all over the place. If you know me, though, i probably am!
I want to share my heart with you- God is using Kids Across America to do MIGHTY things for His glory. PRAISE HIM FOR THAT.
I know now that God can use us even when we're exhausted, unhappy, and unwilling because he used ME. Between the flu, a pinched nerve, and an inflamed(and very painful) knee joint, I know that I cleaned that kitchen for Jesus. It WASN'T easy. There were times when I wanted to break down and cry, steal Emily and Aaron's car, and drive all the way back home (all 13 hours) on my own. But I didn't. God gave me strength when I needed it. He changed my attitude when it needed changing, and he answered prayer every single day. When it was too hot and we asked for it too cool down, the next morning, we were pulling on sweaters because it was cold! Praise Him!

I know now that I am not on fire for God. However, I am closer than I ever have been. I want to spend more time with Him and I want to learn more about Him. I want to love him more and I want to love other people more. He is GOOD!

The notes of a Champion.

2006-05-09T09:02:00.001-07:00

yeah. I try.

I love people.

2006-05-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

So... BETH HAD HER BABY! Now, i realize that everyone says that all babies are "the cutest ever" but i must say, i HAVE seen some funny lookin' babies. Beth's little angel is not one of those. This baby really IS the most adorable baby girl I have ever seen. She's 6 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches long. That's almost 2 pounds lighter than I was. Sheesh. What was I? A hog? A heffa'? Anyway. Maybe when I get in touch with Jenny I can get some pics up here for you. Because, let me tell you. Avery (maybe Averie... i don't know) Jolene is a darling child.

This brings me to another subject.
Lindsay has decided that I have reached the epitome of nerd-ness.
I asked her about pokemon. Yes. I played pokemon. I have 1 brother. He's my only sibling. We lived in H-ville for 2 years and I had like... 2 friends that I didn't see very often. What else was I supposed to do? Exactly. Enter stage Left: Pokemon trading cards.

I also got up at 5am to watch pokemon on tv. Please don't hit me.
I think i may make a list of people I love. Don't feel bad if you're not on here. I'm like.. tired. I had an exam at 8am this morning. Lindsay and I think we rocked it. I only need a 71 to make an A in there. I think i did it. I only need a 43 in Psychology to make an A in that one. I am not motivated to study.

well. here we are.

Momma. She's like... the sane one. I need her.
Daddy. He's the crazy one. No explanation needed.
Adam. He knows me way too well. The most common phrase out of his mout is "I KNEW you were gonna say that.
Emily. She's like my sister. I've known her since we were 2... we're so different and yet compliment each other so well.
Christina. She's 10 days younger than me... and while we may be 900 miles away from each other, she's still there for me. I can complain to her and ask her advice and she's always able to lift my spirits.
Melanie. She awoke in me an imagination that keeps me going when i'm uber-bored. And I don't think i've EVER been mad at her.
Lauren. She keeps me entertained. Always. Whether we're in the car and she's scaring me to death with her driving or she's dancing... there's never a dull moment.
Suphia. She has a pool. Okay, i love her for more than the pool... she also has goats. okay... anyway. This girl can make me laugh at anything. Except maybe liver. Because liver is nasty.
Zach. He's stuck around for how long? He's put up with me, my dad, and my brother. Something has to be said for that... and while he's clueless(hello, he's a guy) he has some sense in his head. I'll let you know when I find it, though.
Beth. She's fairly sane, down to earth and loves dogs. I mean, can you think of any one else you can have this conversation with: "Beth, I saw a stray cat and I thought of you!" I don't think so.
Jenny. She's saved my life. Even if she seems clueless, she has a good head on her shoulders and a love for Jesus in her heart. I've watched her grow, make mistakes and triumph over them... She is a wonderful blessing
Kelsey. "Hi, I'm Kelsey.. And I'm blonde" I love this girl. Why? Who else can I make those horrid family movies with!?
Jessica. *insert deperate and horrible attempt at a southern accent here* My cousins... they have to be the coolest people on earth.
Laura. She guided me through thick and thin. From the age of 11, she's taught me, watched me, and helped me grow.
Tarra. My twin. That's all I cant hink to say about this wonderful girl.
Priscilla. People always think she's so quiet. But I know better. Oh yes, I know better.
Mac. This boy... wow. He totally put up with my whining for years. No wonder I never see him anymore... lolz. He's so busy doing wonderful things, i can't begrudge him for that!

that whole "To everyone else, I LOVE YOU" thing is true, but not enough. You ARE in my hearts.
to my new friends:

Lindsay
Georgeanne
Jan
Liz
Gary
Jeff

thanks for making our first year that much more fun. w00t.

wow, i'm feeling so cheesy and nostalgic. I'll never have lishak as a prof again. So sad! *goes to Lishak fan club facebook group* lolz, lindsay. Pinij is crazy.

Ah, the Barnum Effect at work!

2006-04-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

You Have A Type A- Personality

A-

You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

NO YOU DIDN'T.

2006-04-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

Whoever says that the Japanese are cool have not yet seen what they named the new Nintendo console. That's right, "Revolution" was just a code name.

Check it.
Now cry with me.

Those short little asians on the island have dropped the ball on this one. I mean, REALLY. Who names something as cool as a nintendo console something as dorky as that? I realize that those kids over there are, in fact, dorks (they make their money by making/playing video games... sheesh), but that's no excuse for subjecting part-time gamers like myself to the dorkiness.

rah. That's all I have to say.

Check it.

2006-04-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

Funness

2006-04-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Color = markers
Paper = ...paper...
Scrapbooking = emily
Season = flowers
Reality TV = the cha-cha's
Salad dressing = good
Blog = my dad
Animal = muppets
Dreams = aspiring
Love = red

Countdown.

2006-04-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

Verses to live by.

2006-04-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, selfcontrol; and to selfcontrol, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

2 Peter 1: 5-9

Daylight Savings time

2006-04-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

Wow. I don't know that i've gotten ready for bed this early since i was... TEN! But, daylight savings time hitting RIGHT AFTER spring break is gonna bite. So, it's 8:00 and i'm in bed with a cat on my lap getting ready to doze off.

This should be an adventure.

TAGGED.

2006-03-29T08:15:00.000-08:00

from my father.

Five Weird Habits:
(1) I chew my fingernails when I read.
(2) I turn in a circle at the bottom of the stairs.
(3) I ride a motorcycle with my dad.
(4) I let my cat sleep on my back when I sleep.
(5) I tell the same stories over and over...

If you read this, post your 5 habits and then leave a comment.

Sweet Puppy

2006-03-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

Katy Loup is missing.

"Hi... I'm New Here..."

2006-03-26T06:12:00.000-08:00

I put up a couple old posts from myspace... just so that this one doesn't look too lonely. See, post? You're not lonely! *pats post's head*

I call it... Office Yoga...

2006-03-26T06:11:00.000-08:00

No mat necessary!

As you sit at your desk, typing away, do these few simple steps to relieve stress (unless you're my father who totally killed his back yesterday...).

(1) Inhale threw the nose as you stretch your arms above the head and your legs forward towards the back of your desk. Be sure to point the toes and think of happy thoughts like cotton candy and purple teddy bears.
(2) Exhale through the mouth as you slowly lower your hands to your side and bring your legs back to your regular sitting position. The thoughts of purple teddy bears have probably turned back to the dismal office that you now find yourself in... but don't dispair! Those teddy bears are only an "office yoga" stretch away!

*By reading this text, you now owe me $19.99. But don't worry, I accept checks, debit and credit cards, and most importantly, chocolate.

Today...Was Fun...

2006-03-26T06:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I hung out with Suphia today. We didn't do much, but we had fun.
We got fuel,
we went to get food,
we had no money,
we went to get money,
suphia almost killed me,
we ate,
we went to see an old graveyard.
It was a fun day.