Searching

Finding God's will is hard when he's teaching you patience. In the mean time, I'm having problems staying asleep. Every time I wake up even the LITTLEST bit, those thoughts flood my mind and I lay there going "God- what should I do!? Give me some direction here, because I feel no peace about this."
I'm at a place in my life where I'm attempting to get closer to my Lord- my first and true love... things that get in the way of that, distractions, etc. I have to get rid of them and it's HARD. I wish my mom wasn't at work. I won't see her until later this afternoon. So many hours to wait.

Man, I'm hungry.

On fire? Not in the least.

I realize as I grow closer to God that I am so far from being on fire for the Lord that I may as well be cold. All those times that I said I came back from youth camp or whatever "changed" and "on fire for God" I was definitely fooling myself. I don't want to say that it was an emotional high, because I know that somethings changed... but there, it's all relaxation and praising God.

Don't get me wrong... praising God is such a wonderful place to be. Like seriously... but you can't REALLY praise Him until you can put yourself aside... and when you're in pain, you're exhausted, and just physically and emotionally spent... putting yourself aside is all you can do to keep yourself sane.
Working at Kids Across America opened my eyes to so much. I'm ashamed at how naïve I really am living here in my small college town. I have everything I could ever need or want... yet I was taking care of kids that are just thankful when they get a small meal each day.
Praise Him for His provision and love in my life!

I feel like i'm all over the place. If you know me, though, i probably am!
I want to share my heart with you- God is using Kids Across America to do MIGHTY things for His glory. PRAISE HIM FOR THAT.
I know now that God can use us even when we're exhausted, unhappy, and unwilling because he used ME. Between the flu, a pinched nerve, and an inflamed(and very painful) knee joint, I know that I cleaned that kitchen for Jesus. It WASN'T easy. There were times when I wanted to break down and cry, steal Emily and Aaron's car, and drive all the way back home (all 13 hours) on my own. But I didn't. God gave me strength when I needed it. He changed my attitude when it needed changing, and he answered prayer every single day. When it was too hot and we asked for it too cool down, the next morning, we were pulling on sweaters because it was cold! Praise Him!

I know now that I am not on fire for God. However, I am closer than I ever have been. I want to spend more time with Him and I want to learn more about Him. I want to love him more and I want to love other people more. He is GOOD!